Emily Levenson 30 Days of Journaling: Fall 2015: Day 13: Reflection

Most of us take time for reflection in our lives. What do and don’t we regret?

Four years ago (in 2011) my ex became ill with a life-threatening illness that caused her to become paralyzed. I replay that time in my life nearly every day. (At the time I wrote this) I completely regret(ted) letting her sister become involved in the decision making process.

Someone else very close to the process called her the most controlling and conniving person they had ever met. She, her husband and siblings gave me many opportunities not to trust them. In the face of an unthinkable tragedy, I put the past behind me and wanted to trust her.

It is the biggest mistake of my life. Everything that was done by her family and friends throughout this process was either because of the need for power and control, greed, and money and out of spite.

My ex spent seven months hospitalized. In those seven months, I saw six to seven days per week. When her illness caused her paralysis it made me realize my love for her was deeper than I thought. I needed

I needed her to fight for her life for OUR children and OUR family. Alas, I’m not sure we truly ever had out own family.

I do not regret going to the hospital as often as I did. I wanted to show her she is loved no matter how she is/was. I brought the kids to see her as often as I could. I don’t regret any of it.

Since being out of the hospital she has done everything she can to destroy me and my credibility. In spite of it all, I am glad I went to see her. I would hope she would have done the same for me.

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