30 Days of Gratitude: Day 19: Fear

As someone who has dealt with anxiety my entire life, I have learned that fear is a powerful force.

Fear has controlled my life. Fear has caused me to miss out on many opportunities that might have propelled my life to better places. I have missed out on opportunities in school, potential dates with great women and possible jobs that could have taken my “career” in different places.

My oldest child is mini me. He struggles with anxiety, fear and the unknown. His sister who is almost three and half years younger is fearless and the most innately confident person I have ever seen in my life. This was evident from the moment her personality began being defined.

I have learned often in my life that when we face our fears and succeed it builds confidence. It can then make it easier the next time we are fearful of doing something.

When I was in high school I spent six weeks one summer on a teen trip. During that trip, we went rappelling off of a 100-foot cliff. I never thought I would do that. One of my phobias is of heights. I went ahead and repelled anyways.

We went rappelling later in the summer into a cave. That was a bit much for me. I chose to walk into and out of the cave like 25 percent of my group. Rappelling gave me a great sense of accomplishment and it was a fear of mine I faced.

The fears in the last five years of my life have been realized. I lost custody of my children. They are now being raised with their mom at their aunt and uncle’s house. The kids were injured during a visit and I was assaulted by their uncle and he never paid a consequence for it.

My attorneys seemed afraid to go after anything. Only the first one I had was aggressive. These fears were tough as the decisions were largely out of my control.

When we reflect on being grateful with fear the only conclusion that can be reached is to be grateful when we overcome our fears.

 

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