30 Days of Gratitude: Prompt 28: Drive

The word motivation is often used for someone’s want to get something done. I view motivation as the want to do something and drive as the will.

I have had the motivation to do a lot of things in my life. I often struggled with the drive to get things done. My anxiety often crops up when I want to get things done. It makes it difficult for me to organize my thoughts about how to attack the things I want and need to get done when it’s a longer term project or something I need assistance with.

My depression which is not as prevalent as my anxiety can also hurt the drive I need to get things done. When I think about where my life is versus where it could be and where I want it to be it often hinders my drive to get things done.

When I have the drive to get things done it often occurs because of a deadline or immediate need to get something accomplished. When the goal is right in front of me I am able to be calm about something and just do it.

Doing laundry, cooking dinner, taking care of my kids when I had custody, taking a shower once I get up in the morning are all things that come easily to me.

When I have a long-term deadline to work on I look at how I am going to do it, stew over it, analyze and worry about what I need to do to get things done.

My kids used to drive me every day more than anything else. Losing custody of them took away most of my ability to care about much of anything. I feel numb most days.

My mother recently said to me on my childrens’ birthday was that she could only imagine how sad I felt that day. No day is any different.

The drive I have now comes from the monthly quota of blog posts I have to get done to get paid and the daily things that need to be accomplished that I mentioned above.

I hope to one day write a memoir about the complexities I’ve encountered in life. Doing prompt book and challenges is something that has driven me lately. It is helping me learn more about myself and the things I want to write about when I am able to get everything together to write a memoir.

For now, I rely on the things every day just get me through each 24 hour period.

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