The title of the blog feels very appropriate right now. I'm at a precipice in life. Barely enough money to be able to afford an attorney to help. Everything with getting help feels like a battle.
If not for a few friends I would feel totally alone. My family has abandoned me. I only her from my mom and one cousin. Life seems hopeless. Too many people see that as suicidal.
People love to play amateur psychologist in social media. Too many jump to conclusions. Instead of talking to that person directly they make their own diagnosis and then make irrational decisions.
I hate the direction and place my life is in. I was so alone out here on my own. As the song says. Who I am, how do I fit it? Make belivin is hard…out here in my own.
We make our own breaks but in a divorce decisions are often made for us with devastating consequences. I have lost most control and say over my own life.
My anxiety often make me out things off I don't want to deal with. All that does is eventually create bigger holes. My strength is dealing with things day to day. It's close to not being able to do that anymore.
On Rosh Hashanah it is written and on Yom Kippur it is sealed. That's what we all hear. Do we truly forgive those that hurt us and ask for for forgiveness of those we've harmed?
When we got to shul, synagogue or temple to ask for forgiveness how sincere are we truly? My observations are that religion for many people is truly just an exercise. Albright Blog Elul is linked to the Jewish month of Elul that leads up to Rosh Hashanah this could be tied to any religion.
Religion is complicated. Catholicism and Judaism are tied to guilt. It made me think of we are all asked to forgive but when do we honor those that have been there for us?
Having gone through a lot of personal adversity I've been fortunate to have some great friends that have been good to me. I am grateful to have them, my cousin and my mom in my life. The rest of my family doesn't really seem to know I exist. I only hear from my friends, my mom and one cousin who check in to see how I am doing.
It's ironic religion portrays itself as setting the morals and good in life, yet the only holiday I'm aware of to be thankful is th secular holiday of thanksgiving.
How often do people truly forgive others that have wronged them? In divorce it often becomes more about hurting your ex-spouse as much as possible. It's far too infrequent that someone is able to forgive the past and move on with their new life.
Social media has also created an increase in the lack of forgiveness. People as so concerned with getting their message out there. They care more about being right and stating their opinion to the world that it creates arguments. When do we apologize for the way we behave anymore?
If people recognized those that are good to us and forgave those that aren't more often, the world would be a far better place.
We see around us every day. What do we see? We see many things. What do we actually notice?
How often in this era of life do we take time to stop and see the things around us? Most of us are too busy on our phones or tables to truly notice things.
As we scroll through our various forms of social media what do we see? We often see what we want to see. Most people tend to like and share pages or post that align with their beliefs. Too often people only view a headline and don't read the article. We also do not view enough news from both sides.
What about our "friends" on facebook? What do we see? Most people only post the joy in their life. Their children's first day of school, wedding pictures, family special events. We don't see the hard times, except maybe if someone is battling an illness or has passed away.
We never see a couple having troubles in a relationship, someone struggling in their job or dealing with difficulties with their children.
We all see things through the lens of our own eyes, own experiences and our own life. Because of that what we see is different for each person.
When we used to ask someone did you hear…it usually meant something that someone told us or something we heard on the radio or television. It alternatively could have been something we read. It seems like it has increasingly become something we read or see on social media.
Fake news has become a very polarizing term. We see something and share it online via Facebook, Twitter or from something someone told us. In the past there was the saying don’t believe everything you hear.
Do people really consider the source when they hear something? Who and what sources do we trust? Things can travel by word of mouth or through sharing something now faster than ever before.
One click of a mouse can share our own thoughts or the thoughts of others with thousands of people. Sometimes a post can go viral and its shared with millions.
Some of these things that we hear can influence an election or destroy a person’s reputation. It doesn’t seem to matter anymore if something is true. If it aligns with our own beliefs it is something we want to hear and we accept it as the gospel.
What do we hear and when can often influence our level of belief. During the 2016 election logic didn’t matter. Those on both the left and the right believed anything they heard as long as it supported their ideas, candidate, beliefs or ideals.
We have seemed to lost the idea of cordial discourse. We have no tolerance for the views of others. No matter what we hear if it opposes our own views we will not listen to what we are hearing. The amount of hyperbole that is out there is disturbing.
The month of Elul ended with Rosh Hashanah. I got busy with other things. I will still continue to work on and finish this. When I think of the word understand it makes me think of things we understand versus accept.
I often think of mine own divorce. Many think I talk about it too often. It’s always with me. The courts have given me no choice to accept they basically control my life. Even the judge told me I have no say in my own life.
I had to accept a divorce I did not want. Losing custody of my children and the fact that a man who admitted to assaulting me is now helping to raise them is something I will never understand.
There are so many things about divorce I will never understand at all. This ranges from my own experiences to those of my friends. I always come up with the word illogical when it relates to divorce. My friend came up with non-sensical.
The courts do not look at the bigger picture. The attorneys, lawyers and other representatives don’t really take a look at what is in the best interests of everyone involved.
What truly happens seems to be what’s in the best interests of the attorneys making money. While this might seem like a conspiracy theory, it’s something I’ve heard from many people.
I understood the parameters of getting divorced. Once the proceedings began nothing was easy to understand.
I’ve been in a few support groups both online and in person. Hearing the stories of others as time has evolved has made it even harder to understand what is going on.
The courts don’t care about children, how families are torn apart and lack compassion. They care about lining the attorney’s pockets with money. The judges, for the most part, used to be family law attorneys. They are aligned with their colleagues on both sides of the issues.
I have seen far too many people, children, and families devastated. It is something I will never understand.,
We all have things in life we want. I have always tried to balance my wants with my needs.
When we want something it’s a tough decision to see how much we really need it. When we are hungry we want to eat. We clearly need food. We could be thirsty and want and need water or tired and want and need to sleep.
The dating site OKCCupid.com asks people to list “the six things I cannot live without”. Most people lists want more than needs. Their phone, computer, music, or their kids.
I have had to learn through extreme adversity that the only things we truly need are water, food, and air. Preferably we all have shelter. Especially those that live in cold climates.
All of us can live without love and being wanted. If not the infinite amount of dating sites and apps would not exist. That is one that most people strive for.
Having someone to go through life with, to be the last person we see before bed and the first person we see in the morning makes life a lot more special.
Even after a divorce, most people want to be able to move on and be able to find someone else to share life with. Do we have the need or want to love and be loved?
We can all live without love and companionship in our lives. It’s probably a combination of want and a need. Being loved and needed helps our emotional well-being. It can also help our self-esteem. Some might say it shouldn’t. For many people, the want and need to be needed creates more love within us.
We should all love ourselves first. Getting to a place in our lives where we get the things we want allows us to become more fulfilled in life.
There are so many things in life we have to accept. Doing as an adult is far more difficult than as a child.
Nearly six years ago my life began to change forever. I began to have to accept things in my life that no one should have to accept.
My now ex-wife became ill and paralyzed as the result of an illness. It began a three and half-year slide that would alter and eventually destroy my life.
I wanted to show my wife how much I loved her. Through seven months of hospitalization, I visited her six to seven days per week in the hospital. This included my brother’s wedding about a month after her initial illness.
So many things began to happen that I had to accept…or did I? Within a seven-month span from her diagnosis some of the things that happened were dealing with her family, her moving in with her sister, and her filing for divorce.
I wanted to work with a mediator and somehow at least get along for our children. That’s not what her family wanted. I had to accept there was going to be a battle.
That began a three and a half-year custody battle. Lies, exaggeration of the truth or doing what was in their best interests to get custody became more important than doing what was truly in the best interests of the kids.
The two worst days of my life we accepting that my wife would never be an able-bodied person and then the loss of the custody of my children.
I didn’t know how I would survive emotionally. I learned through it all that we are often stronger emotionally than we realize we are. I leaned on my friends and some of my family.
Some of the friends were new. They helped me greatly get through that time. I learned through a very difficult time that we all must accept things in life that are difficult. Being able to do that and get through it is all a part of life.
Blog Elul is based on the month of Elul that precedes the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah. In Judaism, every child begins life as being chosen.
We go through life with choices throughout every day. As we get older and gain more responsibility the choices often become more difficult. How much of life do we choose and how much does life choose us?
When we are children with the help of our parents we can choose which activities we participate in, the friends we have and a few others things about our own lives. As we age we might be able to choose who we spend time with and which college we will attend.
As we start to come into ourselves we are able to make more decisions and more choices. Once we begin to start dating do we choose who we date and are in a relationship with or do they choose us?
We make a lot of choices in life, but being in the right place at the right time can often dictate the choices we make. Sometimes we chose life and other times life chooses us.
One wrong or ill-fated decision can change the course of our lives. That can encompass many things. Hanging out with the wrong group of people, being in the wrong job or wrong relationship can alter our fate. Any or all of those decisions can result in life taking us down a path we might not want.
When we search for a connection in life it often leads us into a relationship that might not turn out to be the life we wanted. That, in turn, can lead to the end of a relationship and down another path of a life we would not have chosen for ourselves.
If it is one that was a marriage that ultimately ends in divorce too many become contentious. Far too many become at the mercy of someone else. The system often splits up families destroys lives and ultimately leads to someone else being able to be the one to choose how our life turns out.
Almost every bit of our life is preparing for something. Every day we prepare for something. Preparation is almost always present.
We begin each day by preparing. At the beginning of each day, most of us must at least get dressed. Many of us prepare for the day by getting what we need for work, make breakfast and coffee.
Those are the everyday things that are secondary to us. Those things often come easy and are almost without thought. How well we prepare emotionally, mentally and logistically for the unexpected things in life can often define how we live and what path our life goes on.
My strengths are taking care of the everyday. A string of many unexpected events and not being well enough prepared took my life in a direction I didn’t expect nor want.
Part of the decisions I made were bad advice and others were not be prepared enough to give myself the full chance to succeed. One of my favorite quotes is Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
When we are prepared when an opportunity comes along we will be more likely to succeed than someone who is not. The only luck in any situation is the opportunity coming along. The success is being prepared for the opportunity.
As I listened to a lot of the Hurricane coverage over the last week they repeatedly spoke about preparing for it. Some of the coverage post-Irma compared Hurricanes to earthquakes. Knowing a Hurricane is coming minimizes a lot of the casualties.
People are able to put up shutters and/or evacuate to somewhere safer. Earthquakes strike unannounced. That puts people in a much more perilous situation.
Meteorologists have a general idea where the eye of a Hurricane will hit. If seismologists could do the same with earthquakes it could save thousands of lives.
Being prepared in our own lives will almost always lead to more success, opportunity, and safety.
We spend almost all of our lives searching for something.
We begin searching for the love and attention of our parents. As we go through childhood we search for a lot of things. That can be anything from how we fit into the world, to our friends, where we fit in in our own families to what our interests are.
Once we come into ourselves somewhat we hopefully have found our inner selves. What makes us the people we are. Some find that almost instantly. It can be innate within us. Others might spend their entire life searching and never truly find out who they really are.
Searching for a place to fit in can be one of the most difficult parts of growing up. Some children find their place and some don’t. Towards the end of becoming an adult, we must decide the next step in our lives.
The only choices are generally to either search for a place to go to college or somewhere to work. It can be a search wrought with obstacles and a difficult task for a teenager to deal with.
These are tough decisions someone who is just beginning their search for life as an adult. These decisions early in life can influence the remainder of their lives.
College and the beginning of a career also begin more searches. They set the foundation for how and where life may take us. We might spend our early adult years searching for what kind of career we want to pursue. We date searching for companionship and to eventually find a mate. We get involved in activities for a variety of reasons.
Once we settle into adulthood after a few years the searching continues. The majority of generation X reported being at their jobs for 13 months or less. The Baby Boom Generation had far more loyalty from companies and from employees.
That creates having to search for new employment frequently. Other things we might search for later can involve things for our children, places to live, a mode of transportation and the important things in life we need to survive.
The cycle will then start over as many of us raise children and help them to learn how to search for all the same things we had to growing up.