It’s long past the hours I should be sleeping. Staying up puts off tomorrow.
The last six plus years have been a continuum of hell. I’ve lost close to everything important to me. I often avoid going to sleep. It seems to be an unconscious way of avoiding the next day.
People often say there is always tomorrow. In my world that’s not a good thing. The only opportunity tomorrow brings is for something else bad to happen.
The opportunity for love, success and happiness seem to be gone. I’m not sure I ever really had those things anyway.
I’ve never truly liked myself or my life. I sought out many professionals and activities to change the way I think. Nothing has been successful. Now my latest is I might have to find somewhere new to live. Life has become so nightmare.
In often so depressed I put things off. Then once it’s bedtime I bounce around in social media. I do love the quietness and seeming stillness the late night. I often like the darkness too.
What I miss the most about late night is having someone to share the bed with. Someday I hope life stabilizes.
Out Here on My Own 